A lesson in Self Esteem

Where to begin.... It's been a crazy few months. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever settle down. I suppose that is what happens when you are a "mom". Add on upon that having a husband who works hard, and often ;0), and the call to be Relief Society President in our ward. It's been a growing experience, and way outside of my comfort zone. I am learning each day, and to be honest resisting the growth that comes from such an experience. I liked it better when I was in my own little corner of the world, and not so center of attention. NOW don't get me wrong, those of you who know me KNOW, I don't mind being the center of attention, but on my terms. Accepting the call to serve has put me in the CENTER, but not by choice. I am learning that I am constantly being watched. I am learning to love unconditionally. I thought that is why I was given the blessing of being a mother of a "special needs" child. But it is proven that I need more of the refiners fire ;0). There are times my heart aches as I feel I am not living up to the "title", and for that of the sisters in our ward, and I think I can't do this. More true to form, that I don't want to...then a small insignificant event happened this past week.

This week is Mid-Winter Break...which means my children have been home ALL week. We generally don't go anywhere during this break...I think I'd just as soon have it gone and get out earlier, but not such the case. We had our dear friends over to play. Two girls. They were all upstairs playing "SPA". Next thing I know I hear the scampering of footsteps and out pops my SON... He was beautiful in his pink headband, gelled hair, sunglasses, and sparkle shirt (courtesy of Eva). His smile from ear to ear. It hit me. Ian didn't care that he was being dressed up as a girl, all he cared about was that the girls were including him. He was playing with his friends and part of the group. He was secure enough with that.

How I yearn to be more like that child. So loving, unconditionally, and quite secure with who his is. He is trying his best each day to just "survive" in his world with lack of language, but always with a giggle and that smile. That smile I love. It helped be realize that I am trying the best that I can, perhaps learning to be a little bit more loving and forgiving, and not worry so much about what position I am serving the Lord in, but the mere fact I am "included" and that I am giving the opportunity to serve. It truly doesn't matter what outside influences say..I just need to put on that smile, and be glad that I am part of the group.

Must say, there are many reasons why Ian was sent to our home. I thank my Father in Heaven for ALL of them, even the trying ones. I am truly a better person because he is here.